Before we dive into my take on things let me just address the concept of ‘left on read’ and what it is all about. If you google it you get the various Urban Dictionary definitions, the top one is ‘The highest level of disrespect a human can receive’. I want to ignore the fact the receive is actually spelt incorrectly on the website but it just helps show how ridiculous it all is, so I am going to be petty and point it out. The fact that this is how popular culture defines an ignored text, associating the lack of a response with being disrespectful just goes to show why there is a problem in the first place- like seriously, calm down folks.

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"...associating the lack of a response [to a text] with being disrespectful just goes to show why there is a problem in the first place..."

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In all fairness the context in which ‘left on read’ most likely originates from is one human (usually a girl) texting another human (usually a guy) to tell them that they have certain feelings for them and then not getting a response back (ever). I have deduced this based on these two articles (this one and this one) which specifically cater to telling women how to deal with men not responding to their messages. This is not a nice thing to do to anyone, it would definitely not be appropriate in person and therefore shouldn’t be appropriate via text. However, I feel like we as a community with the capacity to instant message have taken this very specific emotion of not getting a response and amplified it into an unhealthy expectation from those we message. If you don’t believe me, here is an entire Thought Catalog article where someone feels entitled enough to assume knowledge about what specific response times actually mean for your relationship with the person you have contacted.

 

So now back to my story, here’s my take on people feeling a certain type of way when they don’t get a prompt response (warning- it gets a bit ranty from here on).

 

*Notification*      Wed 1.39pm

 

I see your message, now allow me to reply in my own time. I got the notification, it’s in bold/highlighted to show me I haven’t formally read it. I could also have seen your message properly and left you with two blue ticks/or a little 👁 against it. I am not evil however if I haven’t replied to your message within the hour, evening or day. And I would like to stop feeling guilty about it. 

 

No one has recently attacked me for replying whenever I have chosen to (usually this a few hours later and occasionally a day or even days later) but I know that the person is expecting some form of an apology for my tardiness, as I have gone beyond the expected timeframe for a response on social media. I estimate the acceptable response time to be within 2 hours from someone you speak to regularly or 5 if it’s someone you haven’t heard from in a while- FYI this is not an official thing… like at all (it’s surprisingly in line with what the Thought Catalogue article said and you won’t believe this but I came up with my estimated timeframe before I read that article LOL). I know this expectation is something others have because I myself am guilty (at times) of doing the same because I see someone posting on their insta story and so know they are on their phone but haven’t responded to my whatsapp message (- never said I wasn’t one of you all).

 

I think that just because we have the means to communicate instantly doesn’t mean that we should, and that there should be rules about response time. I find the pressure very stressful and quite toxic. Here we are lording people who talk about the importance of switching off from our tech and going away on social media cleanses but we’re part of the same community who expect people to reply fairly instantly to whatsapps, iMessages, DMs etc. Double standards much?!

 

 

"...just because we have the means to communicate instantly doesn’t mean that we should..."

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So here are some of my reasons for leaving people on read for anyone that needs to hear them.

 

I left you on read and I’ll tell you why, 

 

• because I want to reply to you properly when I am not doing any other activity and my only task is replying to you because your message deserves that attention even if it is just a check-in.

• so that I can consult other people because you have asked about a specific date and time and I have to consider how this impacts other people/other things

• because I want to passively scroll through social media because that’s why I picked up my phone- I haven’t actually read your message properly because that was not the reason I picked up my phone- my mind is numb right now- as scary as it sounds, I am a mindless drone going through the muscle memory motion of flicking through things on my phone

• because you have said something I need to process before I respond

• because I am talking to other people- most likely it’s my mum/dad, or my significant other talking about a task or something logistical 

• because the energy/mood required for the conversation I started with you is not something I have anymore because life has thrown something different at me 

 

Rarely (almost never) do I or will I  leave you on read because: 

• I want to ignore you 

• I don’t like you

• you’re not a priority

• or any other negative thought you might be having

 

As you can see, it’s not personal... I will most likely reply to people in 48hrs, which if you really think about it isn’t that long at all. People work, have families, pets, they need to eat, exercise, and unwind- just in case you were wondering what could possibly happen aside from being on a phone for 48 hours. 

 

We all have our reasons, so can we collectively agree to stop apologising about late responses (especially when we’re literally only replying a few hours or a day later to a msg). Can we collectively stop feeling offended when we see those blue ticks and no reply. Let’s actually be accepting and praise people when they have taken time to be away from their phones! 

 

#destigmatiseleftonread

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Before you leave thinking ‘yeah... but sometimes people are just treating you negatively by taking their time to respond’, I am not saying that that’s never the case, I am just saying just give people a chance before you start judging them. If you really do feel like you are owed an apology for a very late reply then let that be known so that the individual actually has a chance to justify themselves, and so they know that in future you would appreciate a quicker response. 

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Just be kind, and allow people the space and time you would want yourself.